Show Up and Shut Up

by Diane Hopkins on May 17, 2013

I never knew before what to do or say when tragedy struck.  I think it leaves all of us feeling rather helpless and insecure. We want to offer support, to be there for those who are suffering, but most of us are terrified of saying the wrong thing. Maybe we stay away because that fear of saying or doing the wrong thing immobilizes us.

Having lived through some scary stuff, I’d like to suggest what might help a person who is dealing with tragedy. This comes only from my experience, granted, but it does seems to be a universal need. The best advice I have ever heard for helping those in crisis can be summed up in this short phrase:  Show up and shut up.

Show up

Nothing substitutes for just “being there” for another human being.  You don’t need an excuse. You don’t need to come with food in hand (although that really does help tremendously—everyone has to eat eventually).  No matter how you feel—nervous, awkward, unwanted—you are needed. Truly.

When someone is in crisis, it doesn’t matter your relationship to them.  You are human, aren’t you?  That is enough. Seriously. Give them a hug. Let them hold on to you and cry if they need to. Just show up. Be there. That is what is important. Don’t take their word for it if they say, “I’ll be fine, no need to come.” They honestly don’t know, having never weathered this exact heartache before. A card is nice, a phone call is good—but nothing replaces another person’s presence.

Shut Up

This is crucial.  Shut up. Don’t tell your stories. A person in trouble cannot process what you are saying anyway. I think nervousness makes it easy for we who come to help to dredge up every misadventure we can think of that has any similarity to the tragedy at hand. It makes for small talk . . . and since we don’t know what to say, it relieves us somewhat. It also pulls the person in need of comfort through a knothole while they are in pain. No horror stories . . . and no miracle stories, either, please.  Just listen.  Listen. Listen.

A nicer way of saying it is “Be there and listen”, but it doesn’t stick in the memory like “Show up and shut up”.  That little slogan pops right into my mind whenever I hear of someone in crisis.  In my own time of trouble, it proved to be exactly, completely true! It can help us soothe the way for another . . . as we each take our turn in this earth life’s experiences, full of joy and sorrow.

 

 

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Organic Salad Greens: Free for the Taking!

by Diane Hopkins on May 11, 2013


Do you ever buy that clear plastic container of “Organic Spring Mix” at the grocery store for your salads? Priced at $3.98 plus tax for 10 oz., we are paying almost $7.00 lb. for greens!  Consider what else $7.00 per pound will buy: filet mignon steak, Brie cheese, Belgium chocolate… it seems an awfully lot to pay for salad greens. Now is the perfect time of year to harvest your own organically grown salad greens…for free!

Where to look? With spring rains, you’ll find free greens in your lawn, in your garden patch, in the fields, in a vacant lot, and in parks with naturalized areas. Wash them up and they are yours! The only word of caution is to make sure the area where your greens are picked from is not contaminated. I wouldn’t pick greens from the cracks in the pavement of a parking lot, or a previously poisoned lawn.

Not sure what you’re picking? Double-check if in doubt by entering the names of plants into a google search and clicking on “images”.  You’ll find enough photos to help you make sure what you’ve got is what you think it is! If you have a smart phone, there is an app to help you identify greens: download Wild Edibles created by  a botanist who gives edible-plant tours in New York City’s Central Park.

What’s out there for the taking?

One green that you won’t mistake is dandelion! Dandelion greens are best when the leaves are small and new. They get bitter as the summer heat comes on and they mature, so springtime’s cool weather  is the best time for harvest!  I pick the innermost tender and sweet baby leaves, but the whole thing is edible, even the flowers.  Did you know that dandelions have more beta-carotene than carrots?

Lamb’s Quarter is my favorite because it so mild you won’t know it is there. Pick the leaves and tear them into a salad, or shred them half and half with lettuce to add to tacos.  No one will be the wiser, and they are far more nutritious than lettuce or spinach!  Lamb’s Quarter, also known as “wild spinach” or Goosefoot, is easily distinguished by the frosty look on the inner leaves. It volunteers itself in the garden patch in spring.

Amaranth (also known as “pigweed”) is in the same family as quinoa. It appears in spring as a seedling, and doesn’t distinguish itself until summer when its characteristic central seed stalk forms.  But if you learn what it looks like, spring baby amaranth leaves are a delicious addition to salads too!  They are commonly eaten in Jamaica, Asia and Africa.

Purslane grows everywhere, seriously!  It is found in every state in the Union, even Alaska and Hawaii.  It is very easy to recognize and grows in the most unhabitable spaces.  It is that leafy mat growing along the edge of your driveway, with succulent super-nutritious leaves.  Once you identify purslane, you’ll never miss it. Add some to your salad.

I go out and gather, then wash up the greens and add them to my recycled “Organic Spring Greens” plastic container along with the small outer leaves picked from my garden baby lettuce and spinach.  Now this is truly organically grown spring green mix! For free!

 

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5 Lessons for Coping

May 6, 2013

Our journey continues as we labor daily for the recovery of our son Ammon.  It is a much longer, more challenging path than I ever could have imagined.  I’m learning some important lessons. Although they may not seem profound—and I already knew them intellectually—now I think I am beginning to understand what they mean. When I [...]

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Cleanest Room in the House

May 1, 2013

Where do you want to be when you are feeling sick? Where do you head when you want to offer up a prayer? Where do you go when you want privacy? Nope, it is not the living room. Perhaps the cleanest room in the house should be your bedroom.  If you are like me, the [...]

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HOPE

April 27, 2013

On a busy road near my home, there is a billboard that has suddenly been changed from its advertisment for auto insurance to one big word: HOPELESS. After driving by it a few times—and inadvertently letting out a long sigh each time—I started to imagine vandalizing it.  What if I persuaded my daughter Louisa to [...]

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No-Drama Mama

April 23, 2013

Spilled milk Fierce lightening storms Lost shoes on Sunday morning A snake on the bathroom floor My first little guy quickly taught me that if Mom skrieks, that’s the signal for the child to cry and be afraid.  And you’ve doubled your trouble. Eventually, I was forced to learn to smile, say “nice snake!” and [...]

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Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen

April 12, 2013

Nobody knows, but Jesus. That’s the way it is, friends. The last year has been an exquisitely painful “growing time”. I can hear my mother’s voice from my childhood: “What doesn’t kill you will make you strong.” Yep, I’m still alive. Everyone gets their turn, of this I am certain. But no one is waiting [...]

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Take Time

April 10, 2013

Take Time Take time to hold me on your lap, To joke with me and make me laugh; Take time, Mommy; this time will go so fast. Take time to give me extra hugs, To teach me a nursery rhyme or song; Take time, Mommy; I won’t be little long. Take time to tuck me [...]

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My $164 Lesson

April 8, 2013

When we bought our new dishwasher, the salesman—and the nice glossy advertising posters and brochure—assured us that there was no need to rinse dishes, that there was a “soft food disposal” built into this top-of-the-line model, along with a pot scrubber feature and this dishwasher was going to end all our dishwashing woes forever.  I [...]

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April Fool!

March 28, 2013

Hello! April Fool’s Day is just around the corner, and you definitely need some planning time, Mom!  I am re-running one of my most popular blog posts to give you some ideas to get ready!  Have fun! Diane Here comes one of the “funnest” holidays! I make the most of April Fool’s Day, because it [...]

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