by Diane Hopkins on January 27, 2012
Chalking up the 38th day of hospitalization for my son Ammon today on the homemade calendar page we have stuck on his hospital room wall so he can orient himself. Did I think I could ever endure this? No. Are there days when I am “losing it”? Yes. Oh, yes!
Life happens. That is what my friend says, and I have learned to agree with her wholeheartedly. In fact, life is what happens while we are making other plans. And the choice is pretty clean-cut. There are two paths: gratitude and despair. Whenever I start wandering off the gratitude path, despair is nipping at my heels relentlessly.
Some days, we feel hard-pressed to be thankful. Nurses are slow. Insurance isn’t going to pay. Meals are late. Friends forget you. Doctors are too busy to answer questions. Whatever. The choice is always there. We can seek out and find something to feel grateful for (and sometimes that takes quite a bit of detective work) or we can take the first step on that very slippery downhill slope of despair. I know from experience that the climb back up is very difficult.
I am not the only one with trials. I know that. I know you are dealing . . . or have dealt . . . or will be dealing . . . with circumstances and situations and emotions that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. The journey gets awfully grueling sometimes. There have been dark days when I had to trudge forward on the rocky path quite weary and all alone. We have to draw on reserves and strength that we didn’t know we had. When that is exhausted, God carries us. I know He does. I have been carried in my own extremity during this last month. I have felt the overwhelming peace that passeth all understanding. Of this I am sure!
Is your journey feeling very, very long for you? My friend, may I recommend to myself, and to you, the healing balm of gratitude. As impossible as it seems to me when the load is particularly heavy, with pondering, I can identify at least one blessing. Write it on a list and post it where you can remind yourself. Tomorrow do the same. Brainstorm. Even small things appear on my list:
- A sunny day
- Being together
- I am gaining experience and wisdom
- A skilled surgeon
- A fresh apple
- A cheery cleaning lady who smiles and tries to speak English
- A good test result
- Being alive
- My daughter reading Ammon a book out loud
- A pretty nature photograph in the hospital hallway
- A nap
Gratitude works its magic and safeguards us against discouragement and despair.
We aren’t thankful because we are happy.
We are happy because we are thankful.
by Diane Hopkins on January 13, 2012
Ammon is beginning to get restless. Hooray! He has been in the hospital in Chile for three and a half weeks now and the hospital walls are closing in a little bit. He is eager to put his missionary shoes on and go on a little walk with the physical therapist a few times each day. He looks back and waves his hand and I am overjoyed to see him in the hallway outside of his hospital room!
Last night, before we put him to bed, he said, “Can’t we go on a family outing, like walking in the park?” He still asks why he is here, in the hospital. It takes a long time for the brain to heal. I read Huck Finn to him instead of the walk in the park, and we enjoyed that.
Ammon has made enormous progress! The more time pases, the bigger this miracle grows. Every detail happened just right for Ammon’s survival, and we still marvel! The survival rate for Sudden Death Syndrome is 1 in 100. Thank you Lord!
My husband and I are getting used to Chileno culture. We walked to the bakery near the hospital and bought empanadas to pack in our lunch today. I’ve learned enough Spanish to get by… barely. We’ve fallen in love with the people, and their kindness and eagerness to help and smile and laugh and talk. We’ve become accustomed to being kissed by everyone, from the doctor and nurse to the 20 year old physical therapist intern student. We hung our family picture in the room and every hospital worker that enters stands and looks at it and comments on our precious (and enormous) family. In Chile, they love their families so very much. Even the taxi driver has his rear view mirror plastered with little photos of his children.
And the cleanliness of this city is amazing! They wash out their fountains, they scrub the public garbage cans, they sweep their sidewalks, they wash their porches–and here in the hospital, they mop the hospital room floor 3 x day, they scrub out the soap dispenser and the crevices in a bucket lid and the windows and everything else washable. They are so cleanly that I am wondering if they are scrubbing the paint off things. The street curbs are patchy paint and crumbling concrete, but they are clean!
The doctor in the USA and the doctor in Chile are collaborating over the phone. Unfortunately, the phone call dropped after 20 seconds, so hopefully they will connect today. They are discussing possible transport to the USA soon, so we might be coming home! Just the thought is enough to live on happily for a few more days.
My son is recovering!
Life is good!
