The very first lesson in homeschool is not how to write your name or recognize your ABC’s. The very first lesson is obedience, because without it, no other lesson works very well. A child must learn to listen and obey. First time. Without reminders, without excuses, without mom counting to 3!
Most of us still feel like teenagers when our first child is suddenly ready for school! We’re trying very hard to keep the crown of authority in parenthood from slipping right off our head and crashing to the ground. It doesn’t fit very well—we don’t feel adequate for the job. But like it or not, we are in charge of our precious children! God has given us that responsibility and, ready or not, we must grown into the position. Mom, you’re in charge!
Children are in tune to family dynamics. They notice when there is some hesitancy in taking charge of the children. If you don’t feel ready to rule the roost, a child is eager and willing to bump you off your throne and climb up there himself! And that is a very scary home to live in, where family life can be run by a 5-year-old. When Daddy leaves for work, Mom is the sole person in charge, and the children need to feel it. It makes life so much more secure for kids to have very distinct expectations! “For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle?” (1 Corinthians 14:8)
So, the first lesson of homeschooling is the lesson of whose word is law, and who must obey. Teach it well!
I want to assure you that I completely believe in being a benevolent, kind, loving, and compassionate director. But ruler Mom must be, if there is to be peace, order, and learning going on in the home. Mom has to set out the expectations, and teach her children to obey her. If you are a tender mother, this doesn’t come easy. It is more natural to be easy-going, to overlook mild disobedience, and to make excuses for our children (she’s shy, he forgets his manners, he’s a “real boy”, etc.) But just as the little sapling tree grows into a rigid, immovable giant oak, so will your little ones develop habits that are nearly unbreakable by the pre-teen and teenage years. A gentle, insistent and constant nudge in the right direction now will make the man later.
Of course, we want our children to learn academics, but the most important lessons have to do with character training and habits, and learning to control oneself. Be constant in the way you act, Mom. You are modeling what you want your children to act like. Be happy, smile, be a friend—but be in control. Be ultra dependable. Make sure they know that you are not to be meddled with, and that if you say it, it will surely come to pass. Don’t break promises. Better yet, don’t make promises. If you can’t absolutely be certain you are taking them swimming today, don’t promise it. Breaking your word makes your rules less easy to obey (perhaps you’ll change your mind on the rules, too). Create a home environment of trust, security, clear cut rules and consequences. Don’t let the child who whines get their way. Never never let crying, fighting, meanness, impatience or coaxing pay off. Enjoy your children and laugh with them and be their favorite person. Don’t accidentally reward any smidgen of negative behavior (with either your attention, or letting them getting their way). Children sense what is right and fair and they will respect you for not overlooking or brushing off infractions. You must convince them by your lessons and by your own behavior, that good things come to those who behave, and obey Mom and the family rules. When you have done this, not only will they be great students, but they will be good family members that you enjoy being around, and eventually good citizens and emissaries for Christ!
I watched the elephants when I was a young mother, and they influenced me greatly. The elephant mother is quite peaceful and even-tempered. She moves slowly and doesn’t get easily agitated. All goes perfectly well until her baby misbehaves! I watched a movie about elephants walking across the savannah in Africa. They were moving steadily along, in line, with other elephants, when a baby elephant stepped out of the line, wandering the other direction. He only got a couple of steps away, when suddenly, Mother Elephant powerfully reached out with her trunk and slapped the baby back into line. The baby was stunned, but by the time he recovered and looked up, the mother was back to her peaceful steady self. No hard feelings. No lectures. No grudges. No frowns. Just immediate consequences that a baby could easily learn to avoid. I was impressed.
This kind of discipline seemed so healthy to me, that I tried to be that mother elephant for my kids. Mom is happy, smiling, playful, and easy to be with. No nagging. No lectures. No frowning especially! Then when the child moves out of line, she acts swiftly to correct it, never raising her voice, but making perfectly sure that her child knows exactly what is expected and that what he did was not okay. Then immediately, it is back to sunshine, acceptance, love, and a happy mood. No good is done by being in a bad mood, harboring ill feelings, drawing out punishment, or repeating lectures. Children are learning, they are practicing, and we should expect them to push the limits and try out breaking the rules. To see if they really are rules and if the consequences really will happen. That is how they learn. If it never, ever pays to disobey, they will learn more quickly. The children will stop fighting—because you have engineered it so the consequences are just not worth it. They won’t have to be told twice, because they know after you say it once, if they don’t move to action, you’ll be right there, making sure they do just what you asked them to, and there will be consequences. Eventually, all you have to do is just “look” like you are going to get up and they’ll run to obey. My kids laugh about that at my house. If I made a sudden move, the children all would hop to. This has been a very effective way to parent, and to get cooperation in the home.
Every child needs to feel that Mom is their best friend, and always on their side. Wouldn’t life be lonely and frightening without that? I tried to never put enmity between us—it was important for me that my child knew I was always on his side, commiserating with him that he had to live with the consequence of breaking the law. I wanted my children to know that I had to keep the rules too, and that we were hand-in-hand in life, trying to learn to live the rules and not suffer the consequences. I felt bad when he didn’t obey, not mad at him, but sad that he had to live with the consequence, because I truly felt that way. I cried with him. I wanted my child to know that my love extended to compassion for him suffering the consequence of disobedience. I often set the timer, and used the timer as the enemy, rather than me being at odds with my child: “Oh no! Hurry and get ready, it is going to ring and then we won’t be able to play a game before bed! Hurry, hurry–I want to play with you!”
As children learn to obey you, things will run so much more smoothly and more happily. Homeschooling will be a pleasure—time you share with your best friends, to learn and do and enjoy together. It will cease to be so much effort or fight to make kids do what they are supposed to. Cooperation turns a job into joy.
Obedience. The most important lesson God wants us to learn here on earth is to obey Him. The very first lesson that children need to learn in the home is to obey you, who God has placed at their head. It makes for a very happy family life.
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd sure love to hear your comment!
It is almost 11:30pm and I should have been in bed 2 hours ago. But, I am in need of some motivation and some uplifting. It is our first year of homeschooling. Currently we are doing 1st, 4th and 5th grades. I am trying to follow your general outline, but am struggling to be done by 12pm for lunch. I wonder if maybe we are doing too much or if I'm just not well prepared. Unfortunately, I have become a grouch at times because we're not done by noon. I also struggle to find time to teach my 4 year old and spend play time with my 1 1/2 year old. But, I am learning to incorporate the 20 minutes of toddler/preschooler baby
sitting time with my older three children.
We try to start by 8:15-8:30am with opening exercises. Followed by 10-15 play time with the little ones such as London Bridge and Duck Duck goose. Everyone seems to enjoy this time. Afterwards, it is on to 1-1 1/2 hours of Science, History, Wisdom with the Millers (but I still can't seem to squeeze a 2nd language (sign/spanish) in. Usually by 10 and sometimes sooner, my 4th and 5th grader begin their studies. Day 1 and 3 are Math, Reading Comprehension, Bridges and Beyond for my 4th grader/ Open Windows for my 5th grader and Spelling. On Day 2 and 4 they do Math, Writing Strands, Language arts and Wordly Wise. Day 5 is no school unless we attended the Homeschool co-op which is 2 Mondays a month.
They are "kids" so tend to either bug each other or my 4th grader is distracted easily, but I try to be understanding when she is taking the initiative to help baby sister.
When school isn't finished on time, then I stress about my chores not getting done in time before my husband gets home. Yes, I have had to fold clothes just before bed (I'm thankful that my older 3 kids fold there own:)) He doesn't place the stress on me. I do it to myself.
I also plan between 2-5 weeks in advance to try and help reduce the amount of time I spend each week. I'll admit I am trying to make sure we get through every chapter of each subject in case it is ever questioned how thorough I was with homeschooling.
There are moments of fun, but why can't we be done by noon and have I squeezed too much into there studies. HELLLLLP!!!
With much appreciation for all you do,
Julianne
Could you do a post on specific areas of disobedience and how you deal with it? I feel like I'm constantly reminding, lecturing, spanking, reminding, lecturing, spanking. CONSTANTLY. How can children forget what I told them YESTERDAY? I must be doing something wrong? I just need some encouragement and advice. What says you?
Truly God knew what I needed to "hear" today and lead me to read this previous post. I appreciate and thank all the mothers for your contribution to Diane's topic. It has been a blessing to and for me today. God Bless you all and thank you Diane for your insightful wisdom.
I bought the book "To train up a Child" 10 years ago and it has been extremely helpful to our family. When I first read the book, I had to change my thinking and my own rebellious heart first. Then my children (two boys) and I came up with a list of "Rules" for our family which we all – even us parents – had to obey. Some of the rules were, Obey promptly the first time you are told, Do things without complaining, No tantrums for any reason whatsoever etc… Not obeying one of the rules was grounds for several swats with a paddle from Mom or Dad when he was home. I did not raise my voice, get angry, lecture or anything like that. I just made sure the paddling was painful. I always pointed out to them that it was in their power to avoid any and all paddlings – just obey the rules! I saw others who used "time out" and it usually seemed like a waste of the child's time. My discipline was over quickly, I gave them a tissue for their tears and then I smiled and praised them for correcting their behavior, and we went on with our day. As long as I was consistent, the paddlings were infrequent – once or twice a day for little ones, once or twice a week after age 8 or nine. Remember that a hot stove will "teach" you to not touch it without the stove getting angry or lecturing you. The stove has a very useful tool that works – pain! I must respectfully say that I don't agree with those that will not use appropriate pain to teach their children that there are often painful consequences to wrong actions. God himself uses pain to teach us, and his Word talks about the application of the rod. If you get the book, and if you have some backbone and aren't overly emotional, discipline your children the way Mr. Pearl recommends and see if it doesn't work beautifully. I don't recommend using activities like exercise, school work or reading, as punishment – those are things you want your children to like! Don't make them negative! By the way, my sons are 18 and 13 now, and they work hard around the house, and love to be around their Dad and I. The teen years have been very enjoyable. PS. Mr Pearl has another must read book "Jumping Ship" on preventing rebellion in older sons and daughters.
Sometimes we think of consequences for negative behavior instead of focusing on rewards for good behavior. When an assignment or responsibility is given, also give what the reward is that goes along with performing the task correctly. Negative behavior naturally loses the positive reward which is a consequence in itself. Then you can tell your children how sad you feel that they didn't earn their reward this time and that you hope they will get the reward next time. And when they get the reward you can cheer them for their accomplishment. This way you still appear to be on their side instead of being the "bad guy". Talk to your children and negotiate what are the rewards they would like to earn that go along with the tasks required. This idea reminds me of Diane's article: "What's in it for Me?"
I would have loved to have a mother like you.
And I would love to BE a mother like you. I'll keep trying. It's hard!
Thank you for your wise words, I'm printing your comments out to keep reminding myself.
Every family dynamic is different, and we all do our best. Staying on task is a big issue. It is really the issue of growing up, from a child who is easily distracted, into an adult who can focus. So it is a process, and it is helpful to remember that you are trying to nurture and grow them up in a loving, caring way.
I work alongside my young ones, as they get trained. I never set them to clean up their room on their own. I go with them and say, "you put the clothes into 2 piles: dirty and clean. I'll help you decide. Then we'll hang them up.' As they get trained, they can do more and more, and they feel really good about it. They feel capable. And who doesn't want to work alongside a cheery, fun mom? We tell jokes, laugh, tell stories, etc. I still help my teenager clean up her room sometimes, and the rest of the time she does it on her own.
Getting up from the table: we had a wanderer, and started using one of Dad's old belts to give him a "seatbelt" during dinner time. It was done playfully, with a lot of screeching noises and tipping his chair to give him a wild ride when we first introduced the "need" for a seatbelt. Solved the problem beautifully and happily, without nagging or cross words about sitting down.
Getting dressed: For a 4 year old to get distracted getting dressed is perfectly normal. I helped mine along, letting them pick out what they wanted to wear, and having a pleasant time together. It helps to have a motivator. I always started homeschool absolutely promptly at 9:00 AM, (even if I hadn't brushed my hair! Moms have to learn to manage their time and be prompt, too!) That consistency, and the delight of hearing our current read-aloud adventure book at the beginning of school was motivation enough to the kids to get them in the habit of making it to school, dressed and on time. I also tried every creative trick in the book, including a "Dime On Time" game where they got rewarded for coming dressed and ready to go, before the clock struck nine. It takes lots of years of training. But afterall, there are some adults who can't get to work in time, so some of us are still trying to learn. It helps to see learning as a process and your own job as a helper, facilitator, to guide them happily into good habits.
Try not to get upset. That just works against you. Gentle mothering, with lots of encouragement, loving words, and built-in rewards (like the morning read-aloud that they love enough to get dressed for) are a happier way than getting upset and being the hallway slave driver. I wouldn't want that job! You are probably mothering just like you saw your mom model. And if it didn't work for her, perhaps it is time to try a new way. Giving away your children's toys is not likely the way into their heart. And in their heart is where you want to be. A best friend, most beloved companion to them. Children are in the process of learning. Don't expect them to "get it". Look at their failing as a need for more creative mothering. It is usually about us, and our mothering style and improvements we need to make there. God didn't make a mistake with how these pure, innocent children behave. We need to learn how to love them more, motivate them, and encourage them. There is a way to nurture them and teach them and lead them (rather than drive them) so they yearn to follow you and be just like you. But are you setting the example right now for what you want them to turn out like? "Screaming all day like a raving lunatic"? (I'm using your words.) The very hard reality of mothering is that we create clones of ourselves, to a large degree. The task is to BE the person you want them to become. If you want them to be on task, are you modeling it in your own life? If so, then are you creating enmity that causes them NOT to want to be like you? These are hard and sobering questions, but they have helped me be a better mother by asking them, and I hope you will take them in the spirit of mothers wanting to help each other.
On a scale of things, if my children turned out peaceful, loving, caring and kind, and did not keep on task or clean their rooms in 30 minutes, I would still think I had succeeded as a mother. The most important thing is how their characters are, not task fulfillment. I fear in an effort to get them to do the tasks at hand, you may accidentally be modeling undesirable behavior, that you would shudder if they repeated (taking away people's property and screaming).
I love how the Savior told the parents to "behold your little ones". They come pure from God, and are so naturally happy, loving, forgiving. We would do well to learn from them. They come as a gift and a blessing to us as parents, and we are given the task of teaching them how to live in this world and be productive. That is a huge job, but we must remember that there is a lot to be learned from them, too. They make our lives so much happier! And help us remember what is truly important. If you aren't in the habit of enjoying them, I would urge you to take the time to just sit down on the floor and play with them. Play dolls or trucks or a game. Take them on a nature walk and collect interesting rocks or nature things. Slow down and forget about the tasks of cleaning the house. Read to them every day. Try to let the slower pace of their natural childhood ways flow over you and relax you. All the housecleaning will be there tomorrow, but they won't be.
I love this poem, that helps me remember. My sons (I had 4 sons) are all nearly grown and gone. I did my very best to take the time, but this poem still brings tears to my eyes. We just get so busy as mothers, taking care of business so to speak, that we don't play enough.
To My Grown-Up Son
My hands were busy through the day;
I didn’t have much time to play
The little games you asked me to.
I didn’t have much time for you.
I’d wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook,
But when you’d bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your fun
I’d say: "A little later, son."
I’d tuck you in all safe at night
and hear your prayers, turn out the lights,
Then tip toe softly to the door…
I wish I’d stayed a minute more.
For life is short, the years rush past…
A little boy grows up so fast.
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away,
There are no longer games to play,
No good-night kiss,
No prayers to hear…
That all belongs to yesteryear
My hands, once busy, now are still,
The days are long and hard to fill,
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to.
Alice E. Chase – 1975
Keep trying, my dear sister! Motherhood is the tremendous challenge of life, and when your children are grown and good, they will be your greatest prize and reward for your efforts!
Lots of love,
Diane
That's great that you are able to use work as a means of correcting your children, but for me work IS the problem. My children don't fight, they don't hit, bite, etc. any of those "normal" things. They're great in this area. My problem is with work. I tell them to clean their rooms and what should take 30 min. takes all day. This is where I end up a screaming raving lunatic. I just can't keep my children on task. This carries over to everything else: eating….they can't stay on task but keep running around like wild children during non-family meals. Our policy: if you get up from the table, you're done. This leads to hungry grumpy children who will HOPEFULLY start remembering how unpleasant it is to be hungry and start eating their breakfast/lunch. Getting dressed…my 4 yr old gets distracted just with the process of getting dressed. The problem has become so great that its causing resentment in my family between my husband/myself and our children. We resent our children…and the fact that we spend ALL DAY screaming at them for getting off task. Either that, or every 5 min. they're getting a spanking. As I type this, I'm sitting on the floor of my hallway keeping them on task…a job which on some days resembles that of a slave driver. My mom had the same problem with all 6 of us and never found a solution. I've tried rewards, spankings, encouragement, screaming…nothing works. I'm at a loss. My husband and I are almost to the point of being ready to give away every single toy our children have. I hate to be so drastic, but can't help if such a drastic step would be what it takes to get them remember to stay on task.
Thank you for sharing this. It came to me at a time in my life when I am truly in need of it. I've been so frustrated with my children, they do not stay on task…be it cleaning a room, school work, or simply getting dressed (ages 4 and 6). Nothing has seemed to work, and I end up a ranting raving angy lunatic terrifying my children. Do you think you could also do a post on deciding apropriate consequences for our children? I agree that such a post could be very helpful.
Hi and thanks for all the comments. I will post another blog soon addressing your concerns and giving specific examples, okay? I remember wanting those when I was just starting out in mothering, too. Each child reacts differently, and so much is listening to inspiration on how to handle that particular child in that situation. But I will do my best to give some examples!
As for the elephant smacking the baby elephant, I am not suggesting to smack your kids. I tried that a few times, and realized that it is not for me. For one thing, I have to be very very upset and angry before I feel like swatting a kid. And by the time I work up to that state, I am not fit to deal with the situation sanely. And by the time I regain my composure, I no longer feel like hitting anyone. So corporal punishment doesn't work for me.
I make my kids work. I try to keep total composure, low voice and calm facial expression. (Which takes a huge amount of effort!!) And I just think to myself, they will get fair recompense for this. That is how I calm myself down. A sense of justice. Knowing that this infraction will be dealt with, when I can do it sanely. And that I will do it in a way that blesses and teaches my child. Of course, you can't wait too long. But thinking that way helps me get back in control. And then I choose to punish, or administer consequences that involve work. I don't do the time out chair once they get into mid-childhood. I require work. That way, they use their muscles to work out the tension, and I get some benefit, some sense of recompense and justice.
More posts on this subject to come soon!
Thanks for reading, and commenting! ;0 )
I would first like to suggest two great books that deal with the heart of our children and ourselves. Lou Priolo's Heart of Anger and Getting a Grip. These books have radically changed our whole family! It is not always about the kids…sometimes it is about us, their parents. I would like to offer some more advice that has worked wonders at our home. I am the mother of a 20 yr old daughter (home school graduate of Class 2007), a 16 yr old daughter (adopted at the age of 9 with severe RAD), a 13 yr old son (adopted at the age of 5 with moderate RAD), and 10 month old twins (God's blessings and humor
) The best consequence for mouthiness, whining, quarrelsome, anger, etc. is extra chores, extra excercise, extra school, and extra serving. If you don't finish your schoolwork, then a book will be assigned to complete and give an oral report to the family. (Last year it was Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends) If you talk back, argue, etc., then it is usually push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks and a run (specfic amount depending on age and skill). If you don't finish chores, then you can do an extra job. If the offense involves a sibling, then you will do one of your siblings chores. If you are having difficulty with any sinful habit (pride, vanity, rebellious spirit, etc.), then you get to help gramma or an elderly neighbor with an act of kindness. We have made it very clear to our children that our job is to help them become young adults that know, love, and follow Jesus Christ with all of their heart, mind, soul, and strength and habitual sin destroys any and all joy.
I am on here tonight because I just had an awful day with my 16 yr old daughter that turned out to be so touching and profound. And Diane feeds my heart and soul when I feel empty! Thanks Diane for your awesome ministry!
I truly appreciate this tutorial! Elephants happen to be my favorite animal and it made me click on the link on fb. my friend put up. I nanny my nieces 2 yrs. and 10 months. And this is exactly what I needed to read not just for me but I am going to share it with the parents too. It gave me some good insight, encouragement and direction/focus for what I will tune into before really focusing into the pre=K curriculum we dabbled into on Tuesday.
I agree with the other ladies. We are striving to have a home like you describe, but in our society today, honoring Mother and Father is not taught any longer – sadly. I struggle to know how to implement this. I understand the teaching it aspect, and modeling it, but what – specifically – do you *do* when it's time to implement the consequence for disobedience? I am with Lisa, in that I lack consistency and direction on this part. My family practices Attachment Parenting practices. We try to honor and respect our little people and to be gentle with them and not to be coercive and forceful. I'm thinking of your elephant story… do I just give a good smack when there's disobedience? That's what they used to do and it seems pretty effective… on the surface. I just have some major issues with that. Will you please give us all some concrete examples of how to deal with slow-to-respond children or willful disobedience?
Thank you so much for writing this and reminding me that until I master myself and my own tongue nothing I teach my children will be very effective. I needed the reminder of where to focus our time with our very young children!
Ditto what Camille said. Consequences? I want to do what you suggest, because I feel it is right. I lack consistency, or even direction in which way to discipline. Help!
Any books you might suggest for a parent?
This is what I believe also, but firguring out how to make up consequences is another story. My children range in age from 2-16 and the little ones obey quite well when mom speaks, but the older ones are lacking because I don't know what to use for consequences and I end up getting frustrated. They don't watch TV or have video games, cell phones or anything like that. We just moved a few months ago and they don't have friends to hang out with either. Please give some examples on consequences of not obeying for different age groups. Thanks so much!
Wonderful article, we are struggling with this at our house. My oldest is a pre-teen and there are several things we need to be working on. Me included, so I can be that good example!
Would you give some ideas for consequences? I have an almost 11 year old, and we take media away, or send her to her room (she hates that), but nothing is very effective so far. Specifically we are dealing with whining (major) and arguing, and I haven't hit on a good consequence that will work with her.
Thanks for this article, I needed it today!
Dear Diane,
I grew up in a very authoritorian household and rebelled alot when I was a teenager. You know the book How to love a porcupine, I've read it! LOL I was perfectly obedient as a child but my spirit suffered. Even now I get very angry dealing with authoritorian people at church and tend to want to do the opposite. I love all of your posts and am inspired by them but even just reading the above passage on "obedience" makes me feel rebellious! All of my siblings tend to be more passive, some have been abused because of learning perfect "obedience" -do you know what I mean? As a result when I had my own children I feel I am a great mom but tended to overcorrect behaviors with a tone of voice that was too harsh and then I always felt bad. We have also chosen not to incorporate spanking into our home discipline also. Even though I have a natural talent for early childhood development understanding it has been very difficult for me to overcome the tone, voice, and overreaction I was around for many years and I have decided to err on the side of caution rather than strictness when in doubt because of my upbringing. We are probably average on the obedience scale. But I have often felt if I could be more even tempered, consistent, and not make promises or "threats" that I can't keep it could drastically improve. It does seem as though if you do stay even-tempered and calm and react only when needful children just naturally tend to be more obedient. Alot of disobedience, like you said, actually comes from the anxiety of the child not knowing how to behave or not knowing what your expectations are. Thanks for the essay!
Diane, words of wisdom as usual! Thank you; this was very timely for me. I don't know that I can go without sugar, but I can definitely work more on obedience in our family! ;o)
I use The 21 Rules of Our House (on my website at: http://www.lovetolearn.net/catalog/index.lasso?page=hits&q=0575201) at the opening of our homeschool each day and tell stories about the rules. I also read them Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories (also on my website at http://www.LovetoLearn.net), which have a lot of character building tales in them. From the beginning, I stress first time obedience, and tell them stories about children who were in accidents or harmed by stopping to ask "why?" rather than obeying the first time their parent called them. Priscilla Stories is what we call the made-up adventures of a little girl I used to teach my children to obey. I would tell a story with two endings, first with the little girl disobeying her mother, and then suffering the consequences of it. Then I tell the same story with the little girl obeying and enjoying happiness for doing so. My children loved these, and begged for the happy ending!
We play group games (kickball, croquet, etc.) in which following the rules really matters. They learn through this, and a million other ways, both formal and informal, that obedience is essential. All of these things are aimed at helping my children learn to obey an outside guide, which helps them develop the ability to obey their internal guide, eventually.
I find it interesting that the Apache Indians trained their boys to be in total control, with such feats as running 4 miles with a mouthful of water without swallowing. The point was to train them to be in control of their own selves. We can never truly be God's servants until we learn to master our own self. Obedience to parents builds this training.
Best success!
: 0 ) Diane
Diane,
Thank you so much for this post! I feel all the time like I am toying with the "being their friend, or their sargent" game. The respect and obedience has really gone down hill at our house the last two years. It seems like obeying is an option to them -something I never thought was an option. What are some of the consequences you have for disobedience and acting out? Also, what are some ways you teach them to obey, like games or activities or "set-ups"?