“How can you be so patient?” asked my son.
“Am I being patient?” I questioned. If I am, it is a surprise to me, and I am glad of it!
My 80-year-old mother (who has Alzheimer’s) is living with us for awhile. And this morning, it dawned on me that Grandma is the lesson!
Years ago, I wrote an article entitled, The Baby IS the Lesson. I had been blessed with a sudden perspective change during my years of homeschooling—with babies daily disrupting our fledging homeschool. God opened my heart to realize that the most important thing my children were learning in our hours together in homeschool was how to value and treat each other, even a crying or mischievous little one!
And now we’ve come full circle. My babies are all nearly grown. Our homeschool has become quiet and orderly. But Grandma forgets what day or month it is, and asks over and over and over. Her purse or glasses or sweater or teabags are the subject of frequent, frantic searches involving the whole family. She changes her mind often. Or forgets that she made it up at all. She needs help at inconvenient and disruptive times, sometimes in the middle of the night. She deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. And now, once again we are learning “the lesson”.
How we treat Grandma IS the lesson. I didn’t plan it, but it is just the right tutor for all of us. It teaches super-patience. Being kind. Holding your tongue. Accommodating. Caring. Serving. Loving. Giving. Selflessness . . .
We are enjoying Grandma so much! She helps us not take ourselves too seriously. She eats dessert for breakfast. She is a widow, but counts her blessings and sees life from the bright side. She is a great sport, and game for everything—from wearing a cowboy hat and going to the rodeo— to swimming, dancing, or eating most anything! Whatever she thinks pops right out of her mouth and she isn’t afraid of what people will think of her. She loves to talk to everyone who will listen, even strangers . . . and go anywhere at all, even on errands or grocery shopping. She sides with the little ones and sees life from their angle. She brings a nice balance to our family life, and so much wisdom from her life’s experiences. Her beliefs are different from ours, and it causes us each to examine and silently reaffirm our own faith while respecting her ideas. She was a social, mentally sharp, and spirited woman in her day, and her presence makes us soberly realize that we won’t live forever, or always be young and capable. Now it the time to prepare to meet God, while our life is busy and we are strong and can serve and contribute in many ways.
Diplomas or degrees are great, and knowledge is a worthy goal, but compassionate living—valuing and respecting each child of God, no matter what age they are—that is the supreme lesson. For my children, I couldn’t wish for more than learning that precious lesson well.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd sure love to hear your comment!
Diane- I have loved the connection to you through the years. I especially appreciate this post- in our home 'Daddy is the lesson' as he regains his life after a traumatic brain injury.
Without these opportunities, we would be lacking in our educations.
Thank you.
Hi Diane, your blog site was sent through our niece, Shell. I've enjoyed reading your account of how you started to do homeschooling. I also couldn't help but get teared up a bit with the account of your dear Mom. We took my Mother in for her last 2 yrs. of her life. In those short 23 months I learned much more about the person I'm supposed to be for the remainder of my life. In those months tolerance, kindness, patience, Godliness, and LOVE were practiced with GRACE, and that grace came from my Lord and Saviour. I pray you will cling to these memories with your Mom and your children will cherish the opportunity they are having with their Grandmother. God bless you as you care for and love your Mom.
That was beautifully written! I have so appreciated your other article (The BABY is the lesson). I am in that time of life again, with a new little one. Today I was feeling quite sorry for my children, wondering what they could possibly be getting out of homeschool right now, wishing I could be more inspiring and involved, etc. Time to go re-read the baby article! Thank you for all you do to inspire and teach all of us!
We helped to care for my terminally-ill mother at different stages of her life for the 8 years ending on February 28, 2009. She and my father lived 2 states north of us. Long before her relapse, we were homeschooling and we continue to homeschool today. We could have never done it without the unwavering encouragement and support from my husband who had tragically lost his own mother at a young age (and who loved my mother very much!). It was hard and I especially longed for my older sons, 18 and 15 upon her passing, to have "normal lives" (the spectre of this illness followed Mom the entire time the 15-year-old had been alive!), unawares of sickness and death, as their peers were…
A few short months after her passing, during the summer of 2009, I was asked to speak at Church on the topic of "Teaching Service in the Home." It was only then that I discovered:
(1) I had learned how to serve from watching my mother and her siblings take turns caring for my Alzheimer's-stricken grandmother at her own farm a couple days per week each (for years!) — I was just "passing it on!" We did not share the same faith, but we lived the same values!
(2) Every sweet kindness my mother had ever done for us children was returned to her in full measure: Band-aids on scraped knees from years past became sterile dressings on bedsores and baths administered to babies in kitchen sinks became bed baths; help with first faltering steps, became man-sized teens patiently and gently transferring Gramma from bed to wheelchair and back… Even bedtime stories shared became books "read to Gramma" by 2-year-old angels, flanking her. And all the "important" childhood and teen-aged stories she'd ever patiently bobbed her head over became days of every one of us listening quietly to the retelling of the tales of HER childhood and adolescent years!)
But perhaps most important of all, (3) every one of us became the — what seems to me "better" — people we are today because of the things we experienced. My children are far more patient than their peers; they seem to value people far more than their peers; they value their "regular life" at home with Daddy more tan their peers do.
Thank you for the reminder of what the TRUE lessons are!
Diane-
This is particularly meaningful for me right now. Thank you! What is the best way to share your articles with friends on facebook? I copied the link at the top of the post and that worked, but is there a prettier way to do it? I think a lot of people would be inspired by this!
Love you!
Debbie
How did you get to be so wise, Diane? I love love LOVE your messages of wisdom, hope, faith, and love. They are so inspiring and helpful. Countless times I've thought, "Oh, that is so good! I love it! I've gotta send her a big 'thanks'. " So now I'm finally doing it.
THANK YOU!!!
And please keep it coming! I need all the help I can get. :0)
This was a lovely post. My sweet daughter sent me the link. We had my mother in our home off and on over the years and then her last few months she lived with us. My children and grandchildren enjoyed their times with her. She had a sharp mind up to the end and she taught us much. She kept a journal and I was able to complete her life history and read it to her before she died. We all treasue the moments with our time with her. I only hope that my grandchildren which number 30 will be kind and loving like your family is being and learning with Grandma.
Blessings to you and keep on enjoying her; the days will mean so much later.
It is a hard lesson to teach, but when you actually live it, you can learn it.
I worked in a retirement home before I was married, I learned so much and enjoyed learning while I was there.
I appreciate this as much as I did…."The Baby is the Lesson". I try to remember this when family comes to visit and I tell myself making time for them is more important than staying "on track" with schoolwork. Thanks for a beautiful post.
Very true! Thank you!
Thank you!
Beautifully Said! Thank you for such a wonderful reminder. Now to help myself learn these lessons – as I am in the small child stage of life! Thank you!