My husband Rick, and our grandson Isaac
I got a good reminder while visiting at the house of a neighbor. Her husband arrived home from his long work day while I was there. In he came, having put in his 8+ hours to provide for his little family. My friend barely changed facial expression. She didn’t move to embrace him. No joyful sounds came from her lips. I felt sorry. I wanted to shout, “Just kiss him!” Just tell him how thankful you are that you get to stay home with your kids while he goes out and battles to keep your boat afloat. Just jump up from where you are and hug him and have a warm smile of gratitude for him—the man who enabled you to be a mother and who makes your life complete. Please, just love him!
Such a small effort, and yet it would mean a lot to any man, I’m sure.
I heard of a woman woman in modest circumstances, who gathered her children around when Daddy came home with his paycheck, and she held it up for the children to see. “Look at what your Daddy has done all week for us, working everyday while we’ve enjoyed life and had playtime too. Now, Jeff, you can have the shoes you need for soccer, and Katie, you will be able to get your bike tire fixed . . .” On she went, appreciating the man who put in the labor to keep the family going. I have to admire that. And it had to make that man feel less tired and more willing to keep at his job.
When my children were younger, they would beg to do things in the late afternoon:
“Let’s go to the library!”
“Please, take us to the store”
The last time that happened, I heard one of my daughters explain to the other, “Mom won’t do that.”
“Why won’t I?” I asked her.
“You never would. You’d always tell us that Daddy works so hard for us all day long, the least we can do it have a hot meal ready for him.” I hadn’t really realized the lesson I was teaching, but it is one I still believe in.
My neighbor has little children and is very busy daily taking care of them. Her days are not a piece of cake. At-home moms put out just as hard, or harder, of a work day as their breadwinners do. But there are comforts associated with being home: being free to choose what to do, freedom to lay down on the couch for a few minutes when you are tired, and the joy of being in the presence of your little ones. It is still a “plush” occupation in ways.
When I lived in southern California, after loading the crockpot for dinner, I would take my brood of little kids to the beach on a summer afternoon. Although there were the usual mishaps and frustrations—sandwiches in the sand, multiple trudges up the beach to the toilet, having to watch the kids carefully near the ocean—still the scenery was beautiful and we had a wonderful day. We’d be arriving home, sand still on our feet, just about the same time my husband pulled in from work. I did feel sheepish.
Back to my neighbor who didn’t give any recognition when her husband came home: I heard a marriage therapist tell how he solved this problem in his life. He opened the door and sang out, “I’m home! I’m home! I’m home-I’m home-I’m home” like a victory song. It gave the family a needed reminder to stop what they were doing and embrace the man who supports their lifestyle. That might help my neighbor, but it is sad that our husbands have to ask for it. We should be the ones remembering, being grateful, embracing the tired man who has worked all day, and having a hot dinner ready for him.
Next time your husband walks in after a long day, my advice: just kiss him!
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I'd sure love to hear your comment!
I loved this reminder!! My friend once told me about her grandmother that would go fix her hair and make-up when she heard the train coming because that meant her husband would be home soon. I loved it when she told me but have failed to put it into practice. I appreciate one of the comments sharing about mothers with young children and that we can still do it. I have 4 under 5 as well and I am so tired at the end of the day! I need to try harder!! I do have to say that my husband would have been mortified if I had kissed him in the middle of visiting with my friend and I don't know that I could have done it either. Even if it is something that we do every other day that he comes home.
I also love John Lund's marriage advice … much of it we use today without even realizing it because we've been doing it for so long.
I think it's important to note that when he told his story about announcing to his family that he had come home from work, he was demonstrating that the "breadwinner" of the family (I think it was himself) was owning up to his own expectations. He wanted to be recognized when coming home, and so he followed through with that communication.
Also, don't be so hard on your neighbor … it could have been that her husband was discreetly giving her the opportunity to visit without interrupting. We always don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Wonderful Advice!!
Marriage is work and we get so busy in our lives that we forget to appreciate and LOVE. Love is a verb, not just a word. Often times we forget to SHOW that love. My husband and I have been working on our struggling marriage for years now. I have read a few books including my favorite "A wife after Gods own heart" to help me understand my role as his wife and keep me on the righteous path. We're currently starting "The LOVE DARE" and we will see how it goes. We had children very early in our marriage and they're still very young (almost 3 and 1). As they're getting older, I'm finding it easier to make time for him and focus on him. He has been somewhat neglected in the last few years. Mothers often times put the children before their husband and that's not the right order of things. I'm learning this the HARD way. I know what the good word says about the order of the family. What you wrote is very inspiring to me! I think I will use that paycheck idea!!
I once heard a speaker suggest that Dad takes some unwind time to mentally prepare himself to enter the busy environment of a home raising children. I thought it was wise. He suggested sitting in the car for a few moments, or envisioning coming home on his drive—just something to detach from the business world and come back into the home world. I thought that was good advice. I know it can be quite a shocking change of noise level (hee hee) among other things for a man who may have worked in a quiet office all day long!
I guess we're somewhere in between. Sometimes my beloved comes home needing a few minutes of quiet before being able to enter into life at home and other days he's glad to have the kids come running to greet him. We may not always get it right, but God knows the heart and will give you the wisdom to know how to care for your own in ways that are meaningful to them when you seek His wisdom.
Thanks for this great reminder! I will be more consistent in telling my hubby I love him and kiss him when he comes home, as well as have a hot meal prepared. Loved the story of the mom telling her children about the check. Thanks again for sharing!!
Thanks for this reminder. I have gotten into a rut of very busy fixing dinner when he comes in and very often his arrival home is not noted. I am going to try to do a better job. This is the kickstart I needed.
"I'm here for a hug and a kiss!!" I love John Lund!! His talks "For all Eternity" are the best, I listen to them over and over!!!
And, your email has perfect timing, I needed that reminder. Sometimes, even though I know what I should do, I forget, and I need to appreciate my husband more…..since I am spending all the money he makes.
Thank you for your wonderful message today! And while I'm thanking you, I love all your messages, and the recipes (still going to try them), and the gardening tips (I've got my potatoes started in two half's of a 55 gal bucket and I LOVE square foot gardening!!). Thank you for sharing with me and others!!
My husband hates it when we make a big deal about him coming home. He shrinks back from it. When we ask how his day was he says dont talk about work and we arent allowed to ask how his drive home was. So my son asked the other night, how was your cereal this morning. Sad… Years ago my little ones and I greeted him at the door and said, welcome home, and hugged him. He told us how he hated being accosted at the door. So much for showing gratitude at the door…
Wow! This was an awesome post that you wrote! What a wonderful reminder. I am very grateful that my sweet hubby works hard for the kids and me. He deserves a big hug when he comes home. As a matter of fact, he loves it when we all get excited about his arrival home. Thank you Diane!
Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you, Diane, for this blog. It is such a lovely reminder to appreciate who and what we have. Anything at any time could happen to all of our loved ones.
I like to reply to DAS: maybe if you would show your appreciation to your husband first, he would start showing appreciation to the rest of the family. We were created to be his help meet.
Thanks for the beautiful reminder, Mom!
I read all of your HTH e mails, but this one is so touching. I once asked my husband what blessed him most and he told me that it means so much to him that I have all of our six children gathered at the door waving to him and smiling as he pulls the car into the garage after working all day. I try to have a hot meal just about ready to eat when he gets home and if it’s not ready, I have a healthy snack ready to help him wait until the meal is ready to eat. I could not imagine a wife not greeting her husband in a loving manner. Sometimes moms of toddlers and babies need this reminder because the days can be so tiring. I’m past that stage as my youngest is now five, but I remember those days and how hard it was to smile when my husband got home. I just felt so tired and sometimes thought that going off to work would be easier. It really is not and I’m so grateful to have been able to stay home with my children all of these years. Back when I had four children under the age of five, I had to make the decision that when my husband got back home after his long day of seeing patients that I would smile, kiss him, ask him about his day and do something kind for him. It was a huge effort because many days I felt totally exhausted and only wanted to rest. It has paid off and God blessed our marriage in so many ways. I feel so very loved by my husband and he does so many things to show me he loves me. I'm not sure it would be this way had I not decided to greet him and kiss him each day. In addition, I believe my children in seeing this each day, have learned so much about marriage and putting others first.
Your post confirms that it means a lot to be home all day. Yes, it is a lot of work to home school all of the children and keep the home running, but at least the scheduling is up to me and that is great reason to be thankful.
This is so true! After 7 years getting to be home full time because my husband had health issues I went back to work and my husband was always so grateful every day I worked he made sure I had a hot meal to come home to. He was always grateful in the morning when I would get ready and always grateful when I came home after a long day. He was much better at this then I ever was and taught me a great lesson about how much you need to be appreciated after going out into the world His health is better and he is back to work but I try never to forget this lesson and welcome him home with a hot meal
There are other ways to look at this. Unfortunately it is not always that it is the wife who needs to be reminded of appreciating Daddy. Our Daddy, who works in law enforcement, has forgotten how to respond to love and appreciation for his family. We tried for years to bring him back, but he is lost to his career and to his emotionless existence. I wish our Daddy would come home with joy and appreciation for children, wife and home which is always there for him with open arms…but, he just walks by them.
A wonderful reminder. I am blessed enough to have a husband who works from home but after reading this I realize that I don't show my gratitude so much because there is no point when he is not home and then comes home. I am going to have to think about how to make this better. Thanks for reminding me of this.