Chalking up the 38th day of hospitalization for my son Ammon today on the homemade calendar page we have stuck on his hospital room wall so he can orient himself. Did I think I could ever endure this? No. Are there days when I am “losing it”? Yes. Oh, yes!
Life happens. That is what my friend says, and I have learned to agree with her wholeheartedly. In fact, life is what happens while we are making other plans. And the choice is pretty clean-cut. There are two paths: gratitude and despair. Whenever I start wandering off the gratitude path, despair is nipping at my heels relentlessly.
Some days, we feel hard-pressed to be thankful. Nurses are slow. Insurance isn’t going to pay. Meals are late. Friends forget you. Doctors are too busy to answer questions. Whatever. The choice is always there. We can seek out and find something to feel grateful for (and sometimes that takes quite a bit of detective work) or we can take the first step on that very slippery downhill slope of despair. I know from experience that the climb back up is very difficult.
I am not the only one with trials. I know that. I know you are dealing . . . or have dealt . . . or will be dealing . . . with circumstances and situations and emotions that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. The journey gets awfully grueling sometimes. There have been dark days when I had to trudge forward on the rocky path quite weary and all alone. We have to draw on reserves and strength that we didn’t know we had. When that is exhausted, God carries us. I know He does. I have been carried in my own extremity during this last month. I have felt the overwhelming peace that passeth all understanding. Of this I am sure!
Is your journey feeling very, very long for you? My friend, may I recommend to myself, and to you, the healing balm of gratitude. As impossible as it seems to me when the load is particularly heavy, with pondering, I can identify at least one blessing. Write it on a list and post it where you can remind yourself. Tomorrow do the same. Brainstorm. Even small things appear on my list:
- A sunny day
- Being together
- I am gaining experience and wisdom
- A skilled surgeon
- A fresh apple
- A cheery cleaning lady who smiles and tries to speak English
- A good test result
- Being alive
- My daughter reading Ammon a book out loud
- A pretty nature photograph in the hospital hallway
- A nap
Gratitude works its magic and safeguards us against discouragement and despair.
We aren’t thankful because we are happy.
We are happy because we are thankful.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd sure love to hear your comment!
Diane,
Our thoughts and prayers are with your family and especially Ammon. My son Taylor (I don't know if you remember him from before Ammon's mission…with the Homeschooling Friends Teen outings) has a friend who sustained a brain injury this past Christmas Eve and is doing hyperbaric therapy to help him heal. It made me think of Ammon and I just wanted to pass the information along. You probably all ready know all about it but just in case here is a website with some more info. http://www.hypertc.com/ I hope it helps.
Kristin
Diane,
Thank you for sharing this post on gratitude. There are definitely times in life when it is easier to see the sunshine and flowers than at others.
I hope all is going well for your son and your family.
May we all go forward with more gratitude in our hearts.
Taunya
Dear Hopkins family, I just want to say thank you for sharing your lives with us all these years and for the opportunity to share with you our thoughts and prayers on your behalf during these difficult but inspiring times.
My heart goes out to you, Diane, and all your family. Injury to any part of the body takes time to heal. How much more the brain! Then to be thousands of miles from all that is familiar while coping with hospitalization of a family member adds stress upon stress. But the promises are sure.
"As thy days, so shall thy strength be." Deut. 33:25
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Ps. 46:1
"I am the Lord that healeth thee." Ex. 15:26.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." Pr. 3:5
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: Be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isa. 41:10
Praying for you,
Karen
Diane, I just happened to look up your blog to try to find something from one of your past Heart to Heart issues when all of this with your son Ammon appeared. Dear sister, you have been through a lot! I will add Ammon to my prayers.
I have already begun praying for him, and for all of you. Please keep us apprised of his progress; we are concerned and interested.
Love and blessings,
Allison
P.S. "O Thou Fount of Every Blessing" is one of the best hymns used in healing. There are so many though, I think they just needs to come from the heart.
Diane,
Thank you so much for sharing your family with us. Your Missionary and your family are in our prayers. I learned along time ago through different resources that Music will help heal. Singing as well as playing an instrument especially the piano helps the brain and body heal. It works the best when songs of Gratitude and Thanks are offered.
Thank you so much for all you do!
I have been struggling lately and today You and Your Family are my ray of Sunshine!
Hugs to your missionary! Our missionary will be home in 2 months.
Remember Ammon was Gods first, His will be done and it will be right.
Love, Chris
From home in Utah
Thank you so much for this post. I've been dealing with a chronic disease for five years now and working very hard at homeschooling my four young children. You are a light! Thanks for the rays of sunshine.
I wish Ammon can be well soon, although there are things that take a while, but every step forward is a progress, and sometimes we have to take a little step backwards in our recovery. What is important is persevere and trust the Lord with all your heart, mind and strenght. I have a trial with my help 2 years ago and I took a long time to recover. All the ideas given by the people in this blog are very good. Here is something else that help me. There are herbs that nourish the brain. You just have to investigate around. I got healed without medications, only with herbs, I'm still using it for my health and every time, I'm getting better and better.
Nicole Gartside,
(always grateful for your website that gives me strenght homeschooling my kids)
I wanted to share with you something that you might find helpful for your son. It's called The Listening Program. I've been looking into if for some time, considering using it with my son and am ready to proceed with it. The research is fascinating. TLP has helped many people with challenges such as Autism, strokes, etc. On the first page of the site, there is a little video you can watch of people sharing their experiences with it. Anyway, TLP helps heal the brain, and if I've read your blog correctly, that is an issue Ammon is dealing with.
We wish you all the very best and will keep Ammon in our prayers! We love our missionaries!
Myra Johnson
Thank you, as always, for your example. Your dear family is in our prayers.
Phillipians 4:13, for pete's sake!
The Zundels
Praying for you. Will continue to do so. Thank you ladies, for the reminders to chose thankfulness over despair.:)
Thinking of you, your post reminded me of Ann Voskamp's book " One Thousand Gifts" Its amazing how God works through our gratitude
You and your family are instruments in God's hands. Through your trials and experiences, you are able to share your testimony and lift and inspire others. I know our loving Father in Heaven hears all of the many, many prayers going out for your family. Thank you for your shining example.
Very well said (as always). Thank you and many blessings to you and your family. I have been using your products and and advice for almost ten years now (my oldest is now 15). It has meant the world to me and helped me so much. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Thank you, Diane, for helping me count my blessings. May Elder Ammon and your whole family be blessed in this hard time.
Praying for you,
Martha in California
Thank you for that Carole! I'm printing off that quote and memorizing it: "To despair is to turn your back on God". Brilliant!
Lots of love,
Diane
You are in our thoughts and prayers! Your attitude of gratitude is an inspiration! Thank you for keeping us updated. Hang in there, it will get better!
Sending BIG hugs,
Marie
Dear Diane
I'm so thankful that Ammon continues to make progress. I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in so many hearts and prayers as you deal with this challenge.
At the beginning of this year I decided to post every day on Facebook, so
something I was grateful for. So every day I write: 365 days of thankful. I'm so thankful for ….. one day it was toothpaste, another 'my funny bone', another a cool breeze … It's been so good because it reminds me every day that I have at least one thing or happening to be grateful.
I have many challenges to face right now, but I choose, like you, to look for the thankfuls every day. All is well.
I ditto Rachel from Arizona's reply. You aren't in this alone. So many of us have felt close to you and your family vicariously through your sharing of your daily in helping us all succeed at homeschooling. You inspire us to be the best parents we can and to have fun with the awesome fifty of being chosen to train our children up in the way they should go, with their own bends and trials. What a joy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and families victories with us all.
I just wanted to thank you for this reflective post. We're in the beginning stages of a leukemia diagnosis for my teen son and I found this post very inspiring to me today. Thank you for touching my heart.
Diane, Thank you so much for this message. I really appreciate the thoughts expressed and being kept up to date on Ammon's wonderful progress. Love, Janice
I agree with pretty much everything the above comment says, except this is from Wisconsin. What a blessing for you to share this and what you're learning!! Thank you, and I pray God will keep teaching and growing you and your family.
Hi Diane!
I have read your blog for years and it has blessed my life and I am sure countless others. I have drawn from your strength and wisdom at times when I doubted myself. And I want to tell you that I am grateful for you. I am grateful for your optimism, passion for homeschooling and love for our Savior that shines through each of your posts. Our family is praying for yours through this trial. I know the Lord will continue to carry you. You are an amazing person!
Rebecca in Texas
So in agreement with everything you've shared today. You've endeared your family to those of us in the homeschool community through your catalog photos and your blogs. I still follow (and place orders) even though my children have all grown and left the nest…enjoy seeing your family continue to grow and learn of all their new seasons of life. Trusting that all things will work together for good for your son, Ammon.
As I read this latest posting, I was reminded of my favorite line in the "Anne of Green Gables" dvd. Anne asks Marilla if she's able to eat when she's in the depths of despair. Marilla responds, "To despair is to turn your back on God." That truth has come to my remembrance so many times when I wanted to quit and wallow in pity. Your strength has surely come from His grace and blessing, and you are a wonderful testimony to mothers in all of this.
Continued prayers,
Carole
Dear Diane,
I know I'm a stranger to you, though I have been a client of your family's business for almost 14 years. I just want you to know that you always inspire and uplift me, and your post today has been a blessing to me. What a wonderful reminder about gratitude!
You and your family are in my mind and in my prayers. I pray your "stripling warrior" will soon be able to return to the vineyard to help bring more people to the Savior and his true Church.
In the meantime, you're being a pretty great missionary, yourself.
Lots of love,
Rachel in Arizona