“First we have a relationship, then we have an educational method.” —Karen Andreola
And so it is.
As homeschool moms, we sometimes get involved trying to figure out what philosophy to follow, what type of teaching we should do, or what curriculum we should select. We eagerly read books, buy curriculum, and “try on” educational methods as if we were shoe shopping. But no “shoe” fits until we have a relationship. No method can make up for a strained relationship with your child, your student. Until the relationship is working right, the educational approach doesn’t really matter very much at all.
So, instead of focusing on what educational philosophy or curriculum you are going to use in your homeschool, think instead of how you are going to build your relationship with your child. Brainstorm ways to reach each child’s heart. Co-operation and a desire to follow you will come naturally when the relationship is strong! As you bind your children’s heart to you in love, you will be creating the very best environment for learning, no matter what method you end up choosing.
Here’s some ideas for knitting your hearts together:
*Listen and give eye contact when your child talks to you.
*Take a walk and hold hands.
*Give a sincere compliment.
*Smile.
*Lay on her bed and talk while she is getting ready to go somewhere.
*Look at what he has put on his bedroom walls and comment positively.
*Say “yes” whenever you possibly can.
*Give her a shoulder rub when you are sitting together.
*Ask him to cook with you, and let him choose the meal.
*Sit on the floor next to your child while she is building with legos or playing dolls.
*Tell another how capable (or kind, or helpful, etc.) he is—loud enough so he can overhear you.
*Resist the urge to set something straight (his hair, his room, the way he set the table, etc.)
*Actively encourage your child in following his special interest by getting him the necessary supplies, mentor, books, and opportunities.
(This, more than anything else I have done, has spoken “love” to my eager, curious sons.)
*Read aloud together.
*Remember your child is young and trying to figure out life. Be forgiving.
*Go swimming together.
(Sometimes we moms are a bit reluctant to get our hair wet or to put on a swimsuit, but it really is a playful, bonding time.)
*Don’t criticize ever. If he needs instruction, do it privately and kindly, reassuring him of your love.
*Make something together—a candle, a skirt, a clay sculpture, a pizza . . .
*Listen.
*Listen.
*Listen.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd sure love to hear your comment!
Dear Diane,
I had been struggling to hold on and not give up, but the adversary seems to work so hard. My temper hasn't helped either. I love my children and I love the idea of homeschooling. We are currently finishing week 17, but the juggling is hard. I especially have a hard time with one of my 5 children. I'm hoping my prayers are being answered through your inspiring thoughts on relationships as well as the concept of "taking baby steps" and the scripture reference of being "slow to anger".
Thank you again for all you do to help us moms in our journey to school our children in the ways of the Lord.
Hi Diane, I totally agree with everything you say. I love to read your biblical advice. I am having a conflict though and thought maybe you could help me. I have been cracking down on my kids because I am convicted that I have not required quick obedience. In doing so our relationship has been strained and I am much more drained. I am not sure how to require respect and at the time work on enjoying them when they are fighting me. Does anyone besides me struggle with this? I am really tired. I love my kids and want so much to just enjoy them but I don't feel they respect me. It is mainly during school and at bedtime and chores they resist me.
Thank you, Diane! You are an amazing encourager and you are making a difference in the lives of many homeschooling families!
Diane,
I like your "priority list" – ways to build a relationship. The gestures are beautiful and so simple. What a good idea to provide such a list for young mothers.
Entering a child's room to relax and just chat, without, "straightening" as you say, was a favorite way to be personal in our house. I do remember having to resist "straightening" because Miss Fussy (me) was usually too aware of the need to "adjust" or "improve" something.
For adult children I find that sitting somewhere looking comfortable during an odd moment of actually "doing nothing," invites one-on-one conversation. Have you found this to be true?
How fun to read my quote.
Regards,
Karen Andreola
Just what I needed! I am printing out the list and choosing one to focus on right now. Once I have that down, I will choose the next one. Thank you so much. I have been praying and praying for answers, and this list gives me so many answers.
Thank you for such a wonderful post!
The Lord's timing was just perfect in me reading
this post today! I will keep each point in my mental pocket so-to-speak.
Thank you for the mentoring you have given me through the last
five or so years! Like you, I love homeschooling all my children
but need to be reminded to put the relationship with I have with
them FIRST.
You are such a blessing!
Malinda
Wow, I thought I was imagining something, but since I have been focusing on relationships there is a lot less fighting and a lot more obedience. Thank you for confirming what I have been very slow to learn.
My secret weapon is that I will quitely invite one of the children to my afternoon nap and we have a quiet private time to cuddle and talk and tell secrets and get down to the heart of all the things that really matter. They love it and I love it. If I miss too many days they let me know.
Oh what a wonderful list. I have been thinking/pondering this very thing and sometimes in the heat of parenting it is hard to be creative. I have a good relationship with our kids but I like what you said about "binding your child's heart to you in love." THAT is what I am striving for.
This is perfect timing for us. Although I do feel I have a good relationship with my kids it is still frustrating when they balk when I am trying to teach them. I know if I do more of these great ideas it will help!
Yes, Yes, YES!! As an older mom, experiencing the twilight of homeschooling my son as he is becoming older, I agree with every single point and suggestion you have given. The learning will flow, be absorbed, and any child will become life learners as long as she/he feels secure in love and accepted for who they are by the ones they trust and love. It should begin as the highest priority for home education. I pray that young mothers bring this advice into their hearts and into their children's lives.
Wow! What I needed to hear today! What great tips and advice, I would love to see you write a book on family relations within your homeschooling family…hint hint!
Much love from N. Jersey!