There is a sickness that seems to plague moms. Seems all parents are prone to this infection sooner or later and sometimes it can keep us down for years. Having one of my children in public school for a short stint heavily exposed me to this disease, but it was a blessing in disguise because it immunized me for life. I have no more desire to keep anyone “on grade level”!
Actually, no one is ever really “on grade level”. The “on grade level” student—just like the perfect figure or perfect I.Q.—doesn’t really exist. It is a manufactured ideal conceived in statistics and artificial standards, not from association with a real person.
Almost everyone wants their child to be “above grade level” and will jump through hoops to avoid falling “below grade level”. But you can see the ridiculous nature of this sickness if you compare it to height. Can you control your child’s height? I guess you could buy tall platform shoes so he could fake it and look the height that some chart or table dictates for his age, but other than that he is destined to grow as genetics has planned it and nothing you can do can change it. Surely, poor nourishment could stunt his height, but assuming you are not hindering his growth but nourishing him, then cramming vitamins down his throat or putting him on a stretching machine at night is not going to make him any taller. No matter what the “standards” dictate.
So it is with intellectual development. Each child is a unique child of God. Understanding, maturing, and intellectual development comes step-by-step in God’s perfect pattern as he grows. It would be wise for us to make peace with that reality . . . and discard the concept of “falling behind” or “keeping them on grade level”.
Do your best, Mom, to teach and love your child. Make your child’s development and his educational opportunities your priority. Your very best is all you can offer and it is quite more than enough! Your child’s very best is all he can do, and that is quite enough in God’s eyes . . . and should be enough in a loving parent’s eyes.
Let’s all recover from the “grade level” sickness. It never makes anyone—parent or child—feel happy or more productive. It works discontentment and anxiety in those afflicted with it. Do your best, and know it is enough.
Thanks for speaking the truth!
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd sure love to hear your comment!
I, too, just recently went through a period of time where I felt I was pushing my sons too far and too fast. I decided to begin teaching my first son when he was 4 1/2. We jumped right into Kindergarten. I figured he was ready. He knew his alphabet and his numbers, etc. I was excited to start homeschooling. After all, I happened to be a 4th grade certified teacher. I desired to teach my own children if the Lord granted them to me. Well, He did.
My Husband and I now have 3 handsome sons, and I began homeschooling them all around the age of 4.
Since they were all one year ahead of public school children, I realized that if my sons were getting stressed out as they were increasing in grade level, that I need not keep pushing them to the next grade.
With wisdom from the Lord, my husband, and fellow homeschooling moms, I have slowed down a bit. Why have my 5th grader complete a whole Science Chapter Checkup in one day? We are now dividing it into three parts, one per day. My son is happy, and so am I. I desire for him to enjoy school, not hate it.
Thank you so much!! I'm at a point where I'm considering putting my 3 kids in school because they are behind and I'm so afraid I'm going to mess them up for life. We have not had a stable life lately. We are homeless right now. We are hoping to have our own place by spring. So needless to say homeschooling has been difficult. I'm trying to get them back where they should be.
Timely and appreciated. We're on year five homeschooling in New York City. What a competitive environment. I'm so glad we've been able to pull out from the center of that storm, but it's hard not to feel it's effects. Thanks for the reminder… Maybe you could cc our central office of home schooling?
I'm actually tearing up over this article. Thank you. On those days when I push my kids beyond what is truly necessary, we all end up in tears and I hold them and say, "All I want is that you enjoy learning because that will take you so much farther. Please forgive me!" This is my first year homeschooling a 10 year old and 7 year old. Recently my husband said, "I have never seen our children laugh so much as they do now." They genuinely seem to be enjoying life more. The pressure is off to perform and the enjoyment of learning, discovering and growing together as a family has become our new "norm". We are beginning to love it.
Thank You Diane! Thank you so much! I needed to hear this. AGAIN. I started H.S.ing the second semester of 1998/99 school year. My kids were in 1st and 4th grades, with two more toddlers up and coming. Your catalog was the first I ever received, and the only one I ever ordered from! I have watched you kids grow up, go on missions, get married and have kids of their own. I have felt like a distant family member! LOL But, I digress. Even though I have schooled my kids at home, there have been gaps. And most distressingly, there have been comparisons by other family members that LOVE to compete their kids against ours. They are constantly asking what our kids are doing in school, to pit their accomplishments against ours. I hate this environment, but can't seem to get away from it…they live next door. I have the knowledge that all kids learn at their own level, that some, not all, testing is redundant, and that I shouldn't worry. But I do. And I'm always worrying about being ON TARGET. Thank you so much for this wonderful reminder this morning. I truly needed it.
P.S. sorry for the epic post….
So true.
I have an award for you over at my blog…
I really do get this (finally), but I am struggling after moving to a state where homeschooling is highly regulated! Standardized tests, portfolios, evaluations! Learning how to disregard the "grade level" mentality while still complying with all the regulations is hard.
This reminds me of the best chapter in "Understood Betsy." Love it!
I consider you to be a WEALTH of information and experience! I am SO BLESSED to receive your uplifting words of wisdom at the EXACT time I need it! THANK YOU!!!
This is so true! As much as I have tried to stay away from grade level anxiety, my children have it. The sad thing is, it is coming from the homeschool community. I have noticed that the first question asked by parents and children is "What grade are you in?" This shouldn't be.
AMEN! I would like to scream this out to everyone – homeschooler or not. And wear it on a tee shirt!
Thanks for speaking the truth!
I love this post. I realized a long time ago that no matter how much money or time I put into my son's education (we put him in Sylvan in 2nd grade) I could not force him to understand and comprehend any faster than he was ready. It was a good lesson for me. I love my children for who they are and where they are at. It is difficult at times as children naturally compare themselves to others. We talk a lot about natural gifts and talents and how we all have strengths and weaknesses! Thanks for reminding everyone the unique nature of our beloved children!
Thanks Diane, I needed to hear this message now. I've been homeschooling for 8 years now and I STILL struggle with the thought that they are "behind" in some area. I have a fear that someone will ask my kids, I have two, a question from a subject that would have already be covered in traditional school at their ages, and they won't know the answer and it'll look like I am not teaching them well. On the other hand I can see with my oldest that waiting to teach some subject or part of a subject has allowed her to develop a love for that subject instead of resentment because it was shoved down her throat because it was "on the schedule" for that time. So, spot on info for me right now; a true revelation at a time when I need to hear it. Thank you!
Thank you for helping us homeschoolers-in-the-trenches keep the big picture in mind! So often it is easy to lose sight of the long-term plan in the day-to-day struggles to master particular subjects, and it's too easy to fall into comparing our children with someone else's, or with each other. Thank you for reminding me that each child will bloom as God has designed him or her to; it's such a freeing concept! For them, and for me, the one on whom all the teaching responsibility rests. (Or so I think, when I forget that it's God's plan, God's wisdom, and God's strength, all along!) Thank you, always, for sharing your warm and Godly wisdom! It is much appreciated!
It is as if you have a little window into my world and see what I need hear. It seems that every time I open one of your Heart to Hearts, it is exactly what I need at that time. Thank you ever so much!
Throughout 11 years of homeschooling K – 10 I worried over this concern for my daughter and now at just 16 she is on track to finish her first year of college. Not only is she "on grade level", she has been blessed with many additional benefits as a result of the flexibility our homeschool schedule has afforded through the years! Thank you Diane for sharing your wisdom and encouragement along the way!
Such a great reminder!!! Thanks!!!
Amen!
Thank you for this post. I needed it this morning! Me as a younger, newer homeschooling mom needs this encouragement along with some of your earlier post. Sometimes it all gets too overwhelming. Thanks for the uplifting words of wisdom.
True words and good counsel. Every child is gifted in some way and most are "behind" in some way. We don't expect ourselves to be gifted in every way and ahead of everyone else; why would we expect our children to be? Children come to earth with a mission and the talents to perform and complete that mission; our job as parents is to help them discover that. I despised the question "What grade is he/she in?" when I was homeschooling, as there was no good answer. We didn't have grade levels in our school. We just started, made progress and reached goals.
I totally agree! ……and I LOVE getting your e-mails. My children are grown, married and having children of their own and there are many things I wish I had done differently, but they're all confident young people (very different from each other) and now my job is to play with grandchildren! Trying to make my life more simple. It's not happening as of yet, but I'm working on it!
I am grateful for your messages of encouragement and wisdom. I have homeschooled for 8 years, so you would think I would have some of this figured out, but I don't! You are a blessing in my life!