Wow. I am put off. I am disgruntled. Am I living in the right century?
Today I wrote a few emails to get some information. (The names have been changed to protect the innocent . . . or the guilty, in this case!) The first email went a little like this:
Hi John,
Is your week going well? Say “hi” to Cary for me, please.
Is the meeting today at 10 AM at the church after all?
Thanks!
Diane
To which John replied:
yes
Hmmm, that isn’t feeling very warm and fuzzy. I am going to trouble myself to go to your meeting—I’d like you at least say “thanks” to me.
Next email I wrote went something like this:
Hi Jessica,
The meeting went well. I think your presentation was excellent!
I’ve thought about it, and I would like to volunteer to set up the display you were talking about. I think it will take me about 6 hours initially and then an hour a week to maintain it. I would need to get the information packet from you to get started. If you and the other members of the committee like that idea, I’d be glad to get it going on it.
Have a great day!
Diane
To which she replied:
Okay by me.
What?! I just complimented you and then volunteered my precious time to set up your display and all you can say is: “okay by me”!!?
I am a Jane Austen fan— I admit it unabashedly. I yearn for the niceties—for the formalities, if you will—that make life so much more pleasant. I delight in listening to the conversation when a love-tormented Mr. Darcy accidentally stumbles upon Elizabeth Bennett out walking.
“Is your mother well?” he asks.
“Quite well”, Elizabeth replies.
“And your father?” Mr Darcy continues.
“Yes, very well indeed”, Elizabeth returns.
Mr. Darcy longs to shout out the deep yearning feelings of his heart and his struggle with her rejection of him, but instead, he is a restrained gentlemen. He goes through the paces of pleasant exchange. Somehow our texting, twittering, facebooking has reduced us to one line replies that show little concern or appreciation.
I just looked up “niceties” in the dictionary and it said, delicacy of character. Oh yes! That is what I feel is lacking!
Yesterday, Louisa did something I thought was unfair and I asked her to apologize.
“Well, I’m not sorry”, she reasoned.
“Say it anyway”, I replied.
“S-aaaw-r-e-e-e” she exaggerated.
I felt better. I really did. It didn’t really matter so much to me if she meant it or not. It still felt good to me to hear it.
Niceties. Formalities. Pleasantries. A more delicate society.
I miss it!
)
but that is really excessive. UGG.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd sure love to hear your comment!
Yes, I agree. I think it has to do with laxity, laziness and ppl being very informal (think: the 'new' trend of wearing pajama pants and flip flops to the store and even places where years ago would have been ridiculous…even church) I think it doesn't even occur to many ppl these days that to show enough care to form proper, well thought-out sentences is a show of respect for the person being addressed.
Everyone has bad days or days where they are busy, but a simple sentence can go far in showing respect. And what is that saying? We are ALL busy, and I take the time to be respectful of you. You can do the same for me. There is a lot of immaturity that our society as a whole condones and even worships.
Posting of FB.
Just kidding. I loved this article. I think it is why my interest in Facebook and Texting is waning. I long for conversation. The exchange of ideas. I post a great article and then talk to friends about it – and even in person – their response is – yah, read it. (crickets chirping). Sigh. Thank you for your great post!
Hello Diane,
I am Mike and Pam's oldest daughter. I don't know if we've ever met, but my mom recently forwarded me your Mother's Day email. This is my second year homeschooling my kids. I hope we can get to know each other!
Tamlynn
Hello Sisters,
I am sorry to hear that all of you are just about over the edge with the rudeness of the world—even the rudeness from members in church. Prayer changes things, and I believe that prayer is where we need to start. I will pray for all of you, and I am asking all of you to pray for me. You see, I am going through a lot because of rudeness in this mixed up world. I know that prayer changes things, so I am asking you to continue to get all of this stuff off of your chest. After you have released it, turn it all over to Heavenly Father. Now, I know that you can do it because you are all daughters of our Heavenly Father.
Love,
Yvonne
Hear! Hear!
In this fast paced world I believe we have learned to multitask and try to cram as much as possible into our day. Hence, texting, twittering, blogging, facebooking, etc. while attempting to go about our daily lives. We're sadly missing the point and I'm afraid our relationships with our families especially are suffering for it. Oh, for a simpler time and for the ability to enjoy the moment and take time for real relationsips!
Oh, how I can relate! I do not understand people these days. I deal with a lot of "professional" companies and I deal with this frustration all the time. I try my very best to come across as professional as possible in my emails. This includes writing out proper emails, being respectful, complimenting the company and it's products. Then I get one word replies, no questions answered, and half the time no thank you for the work that I did promoting their business. I think you are right….people now days how very little concern or appreciation for others. So sad, how did we ever get here?
Amen! Does it really take that much more time to add capitalization, puncuation and complete sentences? It would then LOOK like they were putting some thought and feeling into it.
It has taken me almost the full two years to get used to this type of communication from my missionary son. I guess sometimes it's better than nothing at all.
Well said. I couldn't agree more. And thank you for taking the time to write on your blog. I enjoy your reading your encouraging words and wish I could have "known" you when my children were younger.
I totally agree. I believe that our texting age has really brought us to this. And this is not just happening with the teens — it is adults doing this. Not only are our kids learning how to spell incorrectly, but they are learning to be rude too.
I could agree with missing the niceties, but let us consider this:
)
We do not know what is going on in the others' lives.
"John" is male; therefore, could be stereotypically less verbose than you. Maybe consider that he needed to reserve some time to pass along your message to his wife before doing his hometeaching? "Jessica" does leave you hanging a bit, but then, is she hurrying to get to the family matters at hand? I personally miss snail mail from friends (nostalgically–sp?) but then, never did manage that much before email. However, with the increased exposure to outside negative influences wherever we go, requiring more effort at fortifying our family, PLUS developmental, communication and dietary special needs to deal with in my home, I NEED to cut some things out. I ofttimes WISH I could break from habit & reply with such brevity. Take heart, though–there are many out here who appreciate your blog.
I'm right there with you, Diane. A little extra time and a few spoken words can go SO far in a relatonship, whether it be new or old. I am learning in my "old age" (40's) that when I think a kind thought, it's really helpful to share it out loud. Thanks for all your good thoughts. They are very helpful to me!
I think you hit the nail on the head Renee. Now a days we have the world at our fingertips but it's more lonely than ever because no one takes any time to really reach out. Your lucky if you even get one word back instead of an abbreviation (omg, lol) or worse yet…..an emoticon. There are so many beautiful ways to say things and we are all deeply missing hearing them. Yes, Diane we could all use some meaningful correspondence and appreciation.
wow… no, that is totally rude! i admit, with 8 month old keyboard grabbing twins, i'm a bit more sparse in my type than i'd like to be
but that is really excessive. UGG.
I so agree. The more fast paced our society becomes, the more I long for the lovelier pace of years gone by. Just because something can be said or done in an efficient manner does not mean that it must be done without grace.
I am a Hobbit at heart. Adventures make one late for dinner. But by all means if one must go on an adventure, take the whole family with you.
Jane spoke of a time that savored every encounter with humanity. Oh that we would do that today as well.
Hi Diane, I am so glad you posted this and wish everyone could read it. It is a shame that we have become a people of no manners when addressing each other. My father used to say that's the height of ill manners when we were not curteous to others, which brought on embarassment, and in essence taught us a valuable lesson we didn't forget. Maybe we need a refresher course in niceties/manners. I love your posts. Thanks and have a great weekend.
AMEN!
Amen and preach it sister! I think part of the problem is that people are just SO plugged in that their attention spans are getting ever smaller. They don't want to or can't think about taking the time to sit down and write a civilized email when they're twittering and facebooking and texting non-stop.